In 2002 I told my story.
Then I went quiet
This is what happened in the twenty years between then and now.
THE STORY
I had said what I needed to say. And then I needed to live it.
In 2002, I wrote a book called The Magic of the Mask. It was about my journey through facial disfigurement.
About how in one split second a car driving on the wrong side of the road, not only shattered my skull, it
shattered my childhood dream of being an actress. About how my disfigurement let to being asked to leave
public places. It was about strangers pointing at me and gasping in shock. It was about how we can get through
anything with the right mindset and tools. It was about the power of the human spirit.
The book got me places I never expected to be. 20/20. A Current Affair. Larry King. Worldwide talk shows.
Magazines I'd grown up reading - People, Elle, Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan, Women's Own and more. I was 32 in
2002, and suddenly those who saw the media had questions about how I overcome, how did I respond to the
stares and the hideous words of Monster and Freak. I got to use my experience to help others going through
adversity and overwhelming challenges. I then became the spokesperson, work alongside my incredible Doctor
of our charity Facing Forward. I got to witness the bravery of the incredible children and their families as they
faced the journey of facial disfigurement amongst other medical challenges. It sounds strange to some but my
accident and how I was able to use my recovery to help others was the most rewarding time in my life. Suddenly
an acting career didn't seem to matter as I'd discovered a life bigger and more purposeful than I'd ever thought
possible. I had been given the gift and the honor of being there for others by listening as they shared their
vulnerabilities and fears and I in turn shared mine.
And then I went quiet.
Not because anything happened. Not because I burned out, or got scared, or ran out of things to say.
Because I had said the truest thing I had to say at that moment, and I knew - in the way you know things when
you're paying attention = that the next chapter wasn't about saying more. It was about living the work I'd just put
out in the World.
So I made a choice that most people in my position would not have made.
I stopped performing it, And I started building it.
"It's not about what happens TO you, but how it happens FOR you"
For twenty years, I went deep. I worked on myself in private - not in public. I had more to overcome. There were
other challenges that I'd ignored and had to work on. Once I did and do everyday, I was able to build a life that
matched the woman I'd been writing about. I did the unglamorous, repetitive work of becoming her, day after
day, in rooms where no one was watching and no one would have applauded if they were.
And somewhere along the way - I became her.
A few years ago, I did a TEDx talk Moving beyond the Monster to my purpose. Stepping back on stage felt
different. This time I wasn't a character in a play saying someone else's words. These were my words. Quieter.
More certain. Less to prove. I wasn't performing my story. I was sharing it. I was proud of it. Then, as time went
on, I was afraid and doubtful about my future.
That was the first hint.
Then, friends and family, women who I admire deeply, were saying:
"You're the woman who teaches us how to do this. Why aren't you doing it?"
So I'm using the amazing tools I'd developed at a time where I needed them to achieve the impossible. And once
again, they're working.
Own The Room is the first series I'm launching from the appropriately titled, Identity Library. There's a free
Own The Room Starter Guide which I urge you to download. It's time to close the gap between who you are
now and who you want to be. This series makes it possible.
If you're here - there's a reason. Welcome!
Author. 20/20. Larry King. The Woman who told her story.
Then - 2002
Same woman. Different Room.
TEDx Speaker. Creator of Own the Room. The Woman who lived it.
Now - Today
My work is identity-level. Not motivation. Not strategy. Not another framework that sounds good in theory and collects dust in practice. It's the decision underneath everything else - the one that determines whether your behavior actually changes, or whether you read another book and revert by Wednesday. I teach it privately. I teach it publicly. And starting now, I'm publishing it - beginning with the Own The Room series.